Daphne or Velma
by mandymld
Summary: How you rate women can have an effect on where you end up.


This was just a piece of fluff I wrote recently from a question. Who would you rather be, Daphne or Velma.

_**Games men play while drunk.**_

John Zachara was not a happy camper as he walked into the bar knows as Jakes with the annoying little shit his father hired to get the goods on Sonny Corinthos a few months back. While Damien Spinelli was a brilliant hacker he lacked the normal people skills that kept the rest of society from saying out loud whatever they thought.

Sighing with delight, the geek sat down then looked around, his eyes widening at the plethora of wondrous dames around this water hole.

Johnny winced at the odd words the geek was saying as he said "Spinelli, don't call women dames, they don't like it."

With that he went to the bar, ordered a pitcher of beer and was soon joined by that leech Logan Hayes and police officer Cooper Barrett. "Zachara, what is going on with your father and the Corinthos organization. Rumors are spreading that your father was the one who got the good on where Corinthos was holding Morgan's wife and kids."

Seeing Spinelli starting to speak, he glared at the geek then said "I don't deal in rumors, if you want the latest gossip try the Around the Town column in the Port Charles Herald."

Dante slunk into the bar with the doctor who had been treating him since getting shot by his father, the former mobster Sonny Corinthos and sat down at the smallish table with the other. Looking at John, he said "Thanks for the save."

"I tried to warn you." he said then heard Spinelli whistling as a woman with oversized boobs and narrow waist entered the bar. Looking at the lovestruck geek, he was about to wish him well, but then thought about all this kid knew and instead said "I wouldn't go there, who knows what you would wake up with in the morning."

"Why would you insult the most wondrous goddess?" he asked with a loopy grin on his face. "My most perfect Daphne, the Veronica of my dreams, the ultimate goddess Aphrodite."

Logan outright scoffed then said "Good, where did you dig this kid up, the computer lab. I mean... Sam McCall, a Daphne, let alone a goddess, unless is there a goddess of prostitution?"

"You know, she doesn't actually get paid for sex." said Cooper wanting to make sure they knew that at least.

"She lives with rich men, has sex with them as their mistress and gets paid to be at their beck and call. Yeah, she didn't work the actual streets of Port Charles, but it was a close thing." said Dante. "I mean, even my biological father was one of her men."

"You know, while she was with him, she tried to put the moves on Morgan." said Logan with a snicker. "I thought his wife was going to blow her away but instead she just laughed and said that she trusted him."

"Oh course she trusts him. I mean, look at all they have been through and he is always there, always holding her hand, always there every single time they have had to deal with Corinthos insanity." said Johnny. "My father said she is a lot tougher than she looks, which is a good thing with all the enemies Morgan and she gained by getting married."

When Spinelli went to the bar to get a drink, he felt the presence of his goddess and turned to say "You most beauticious one, if you ever have need one such as I, don't hesitate to call on me. I the Jackal am at your command."

Rolling her eyes as yet another college student hit on her, Sam said "Go away kid. I am not interested. Never will be. So stop bothering me."

With that, Spinelli slunk back to the table, his lower lip trembling at the painful words that had been spoken to him. "Alas, you are correct, she now an ex-goddess."

Looking around, trying to find something to cheer the geek up, Johnny saw an interesting sight over near the pool table. "Hunter, isn't that your sister-in-law with those women over there?"

Craning his head, Matt's eyes narrowed then said "Yes, that must be what a girls night out is. Robin was having one and Patrick was keeping Emma so she could go hang out with her cousins and friends for the night."

Logan ducked when he saw the shrink. He had been under her care since returning home from the war and the woman was not a favorite of his since spilling to his biological father who he was without his permission. Then seeing a cute blond he asked "Do you know who the one with the stick right now is?"

Matt looked then turned to tell the blond guard "That is Maxie Jones, Mac Scorpio's daughter."

Spinelli saw the perky blond and said "Ah, a short Daphne but clearly, she is a goddess."

"Kid, you stand an even less chance of getting with her than you do with hooker heels at the bar." smirked Dante who then coughed at the pressure on his lungs. His father had shot him but thankfully it had only grazed his chest instead of killing him.

"Spinelli, what do you mean by Daphne?" asked the Australian who had been sitting at another table, trying to avoid Logan Hayes who he hated for his treatment of his sister.

"You know, Scooby Doo." said with geek with a grin.

When Cooper saw that Ethan still didn't understand he said "Daphne is the hot redhead in the cartoon, Velma is her opposite, Daphne is a bit of a ditz, Velma is short, wears glasses and no one is interested in."

"And Veronica?" he prompted.

"You know, the Archies?" When he saw he didn't, Cooper said "Betty is the girl next door in love with Archie who he never notices, Veronica is the rich girl he is in love with but who isn't actually very nice."

"Okay..." he said leaving it hanging, not getting why the geek was comparing women to cartoon characters. "So, geek, show me a Veronica."

Spinelli stood, looked around the room then said "Her, now she is a Veronica."

Looking at the woman, he laughed then said "Wow, what are you basing that on."

"Well, I saw her arriving when we did and she got out of a limo, and you heard how mean she was to that blond." he said. The entire bar had heard the argument between the two women.

"Okay, I will give you that one. That by the way in case you don't know is Sage Alcazar, daughter of Lorenzo Alcazar but she was right to be mean."

"How can you say that, I mean that beautiful lovely specimen of womanhood could never be anything other than kind. She is my lab partner for chemistry and the blond one has always, always been kind to me."

"Wonder what was in it for her." sneered Dante. He had almost hooked up with Lulu Spencer, only to be warned off by almost every single man sitting at the table.

"She only wants to be my friend." he protested.

"Spinelli, what do you know about Lulu, I mean aside from that she is your lab partner?" Johnny was almost certain the geek was doing all the work for the class and that Lulu was working the geek for her own sake.

"Well, I know that her father was a great man named Luke Spencer, whose life is so busy and full he is unfortunately unable to spend time with her."

"Great man? He is a drunk who lives off the money he got after being divorced from Tracy Quartermaine who he tricked into marriage. He has no job, no life except trying to decide where to purchase the next bottle and who to try and con out of money next." said Ethan, disgusted with who his father was.

"I know that her mother is tragically unable to care for her after being driven insane by an enemy of her family." he said triumphantly.

"Well sort of, of course that ending up in the rubber room might have something to do with being told she had to kill one of her sons. No, I doubt that since mere days after she shot and killed Nik on Luke's behalf to protect her brainwashed son Lucky, she went off to Paris for a fashion show." said Ethan muttering.

"No, I think the reason she went insane was that Lucky disowned his family, told his mother he never wanted to see her again for killing Nik instead of him. Lucky has never been the same since that old bat told him some old family secret." Ethan reported. "He lives as a hermit in Ireland, keeps going off to search for his lucky charms."

"Well what about that, her brother, isn't he reason to feel for the blond one." said Spinelli.

"No, she should be celebrating that, after all the one time he returns to Port Charles was when he found out she was pregnant with Dillon Hornsby's child." said Ethan. "He thought that it meant he could use the kid to try and get back with his beloved Elizabeth who is married and the mother of three boys with Jason Morgan."

"Why would he think that?" asked Matt who hadn't move to town until after this was no longer being gossiped about.

"Some convoluted gibberish where my brother in spite of never having slept with Elizabeth believes that they have some dream permanent lock. He thinks that someone implanted Elizabeth with his sperm. I should mention, that someone is a fairy godmother who is going to fix all the wrongs done to Lucky over the years." said Logan who had heard the story from his father during one of their _hate others more than each other_ bonding sessions.

"Okay, but why do all of you seem to hate the poor innocent blond one." he asked.

"Well Diego Alcazar one of my classmates is dead because of her lies. She set him up to try and win Dillon's heart but it backfired when Diego's stalking of Georgie Jones caused him to die at the hands of his own father. Lorenzo saw someone attacking the Jones girl and didn't know that it was a set up by Lulu and his own son. He shot Diego but the kid lingered on long enough to confess and apologize to Georgie."

"I am sure that you are wrong." said Spinelli then with an excited yelp stood up and said "Now that is a Velma, someone no man in his right mind would be interested in. Look at how she is dressed and the way she is acting."

Johnny gave "Velma" a smile then turned to look at the geek and got that his father was right. They needed to find a way to end their connection with the kid so that when he died it would not be traced back to them. Clearly his bad taste extended to more than just smoking pot while staying at their mansion.

As the others were entertained by proving the geek wrong, he saw the perfect moment to end things when he said "Spinelli, if you think so highly of your blond one, why don't you invite her over. Trust me, she won't come."

Spinelli took up the challenge, determined to prove that their idea of Lulu of being blond gold digger who was only using him wrong. Calling her on her cell phone, he saw from across the room the moment she heard her phone ringing and looked at it.

When she hit the ignore button and put it away then turned to the older blond woman with her and said something that made her laugh, Spinelli was crushed but not as much as when she stood up and went over to greet a taller man near their table.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" he heard her being asked.

"Yes, I was just propping up Carly. You know how she gets when she shows up here."

"What happened this time?" asked the knowing blond man.

"Jason, Fucking Elizabeth Webber and those brats. She called him wanting his help with Michael but he told her that was AJ's job as his father."

"Did Michael really need help or was it another of Carly's so called plans to win Jason away from Elizabeth?" asked the man almost wishing he wasn't sleeping with the younger blond woman.

"Of course not..." she said trailing off then confessed. "She has a better plan to get rid of Elizabeth. Elizabeth has some big secret and Carly is convinced that Jason doesn't know. Anyhow, I have been kissing up to this smelly computer lab rat at school, hoping this idiot who calls himself the jackal is as good as he seems to think. I will do anything to make Elizabeth pay for what she did to my family turning her back on Lucky like she did when he returned from the dead."

Ewan smirked then said gotcha mentally before drawing her off for the night. When she was fast asleep he called Morgan and gave him the news.

"You know, you don't need her." he was told.

"I want what is rightfully mine and to do that I need a kid and since the Spencers cost my family Nik, Lulu is going to provide me with an heir." he said coldly then Ewan aka Valentine Cassadine, son of Alexis deliberately set out to seduce the woman.

Back at the bar, Spinelli was now crushed and being offered a ride home but he had made plans to stay until midnight and that was what he was going to do.

Looking around he said "Where is the Surly mob prince?"

Wondering how this kid was still alive, Copper said "While you were eavesdropping on your what was it you called her, your blond one, the men went to find dates."

"Huh?" he asked completely not getting it.

"Hayes went home with your Veronica, he likes to rattle old man Alcazar's cage by staying at his house watching movies with his daughter, Hunter went to hit on your Daphne number two. From the looks of things, he is getting someplace. Ethan went to confront Carly to keep her from ending up dead.

"The Valkyrie that my bad blond one was talking to?" he said dejectedly.

"Yes, he is her cousin and knows that Morgan told her one more stunt and she goes to jail. She has already lost her kids, her money, her hotel and her dignity. Up next is removing her from PC forever."

There was silence for a few minutes between them then the geek asked. "Where did Johnny go, you never told me."

With a smirk then laughing out loud, he said "Your Velma, the woman no one would want. Well your boss sees that the book cover doesn't always match what is inside to be read. Velma by the way was working on painting her new apartment which is why she was wearing sweats and a t-shirt."

Shrugging, Spinelli said "Well not even I am that desperate, why when he could have any woman in this bar would he chose her."

"Turn around, what do you think of the woman coming down the stairs?" he asked the geek.

Spinelli gave a low whistle then said "Now that is a Daphne, Betty and a goddess,"

Snickering, Cooper said "Goddess, wait, its the breasts, isn't it? That is how you decide who is a goddess?"

Seeing the geek flushing, he said "Wow, you have such sad standards. And by the way, your Daphne, Betty and Goddess, she temporarily has a room upstairs that she is staying in while helping Jake the owner of the bar with her books. That is the woman you called a Velma."

"There is no way she was Velma." he scoffed.

"You know geek looking as pathetic as you do, you shouldn't be throwing stones and maybe you should consider getting some glasses because that was no Velma, or rather being a Velma isn't such a bad thing." said Cooper standing and throwing down some money onto the table as a tip.

"Where are you going?" he said panicked at being left alone until his driver arrived to return him to Crimson Point.

"Any place but here because take a look who your Velma is now dancing with." he said and saw the geeks eyes widen when he saw her with Johnny. "OH, Spinelli, it was nice knowing you."

The crowd at Jake's had no idea that a juvenile game of Daphne vs Velma had decided the fate of a man's life. The next morning when the police showed up to ask about a Damien Spinelli whose body had been found on the Haunted Star with a drunk Lulu Spencer standing over it.

After playing dumb for the police, Anthony asked Johnny when he had changed his mind regarding the geek. "Last night. You were right, he was dense and delusional."

"And the Spencer girl, is this revenge for her lies about your lady?" he asked.

"No, that was part of a deal with the Cassadine heir." he said with a slowly growing grin. "Lulu is going to find out she is pregnant with his child tomorrow. An offer will be made and most likely accepted. After that she is gone from town but he does want something in exchange."

"Other than our help with the Spencer girl?" his father asked frowning.

"Dad, how do you feel about marriage?" he asked leading him the way he wanted him to go. "He wants his mother settled into a happy and stable home."

Groaning, then with a laugh, Anthony said "Well at least she isn't some post modern feminist who would rip my head off for holding the door for her, after all she was involved with Corinthos."

"Dad, just a word of advise and one I would have thought you knew at your age. Don't judge a Daphne by a Velma." he warned as he walked away. "Mistakes like that can get you killed."

Joining his girlfriend as she babysat the Morgan kids, he asked "Are you still mad?"

"I shouldn't be because he is dead, but man, to call me a Velma like it is an insult, what a tool." she said fuming as she watched the Morgan kids who rushed their parents as they joined them in the back yard for the bbq they were having that afternoon.

"I promise to never consider being a Velma a bad thing!" he vowed while Elizabeth came over with a raised eye brow at the theatrics.

"What is going on?" she asked

"Do you think I am a Velma or a Daphne?" asked Georgie.

"Neither, more like Josie of Josie and the Pussycats." she said with a wink at Johnny. She had overheard him talking to Milo when he was guarding the kids one day about his odd lust for the cartoon singer when he was a little boy.

"Thanks, Elizabeth." she said then saw his eyes turning a dark green and said with a laugh. "No, Johnny. I won't wear leopard skin and play a guitar for you."

"But, oh the fun we could have." he said with a lust filled smile.

"Well, then, you will have to dress up as my favorite for me." she said moving closer. "Want to know who I liked?"

With a slightly fearful nod when he saw her smile.

"Donatello. He was my favorite Teenage Mutant Turtle." she said then with a smile flounced away to join the kids, knowing at some point her boyfriend would show up in such a costume, after all he lived to make her happy.

The End.


End file.
